


This Is How Our Relationship Ended.

by Lennonspecs (orphan_account)



Category: Bohemian Rhapsody (Movie 2018), Queen (Band)
Genre: AU where Freddie couldn't confess, Freddie has a lot of regret, Jim is confused, Just angst, M/M, Nothing's going well, Oneshot, Wattpad repost again, i wrote this at like 3 AM, this was depressing to write
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-15
Updated: 2019-04-15
Packaged: 2020-01-14 11:28:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 976
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18475324
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/Lennonspecs
Summary: Freddie couldn't tell him.





	This Is How Our Relationship Ended.

This is how our relationship ended.

I had asked you if we could talk and you agreed. There was something wrong and I think you knew but neither of us were going to admit it.

I sat you down and chose to stand over you, you could tell that I was worried about something because of how much I was wringing my hands. I would have liked to have been closer, I would have liked to have sat next to you and rest my head on your shoulder but that would mean that I would be forced to tell you the thing that I didn't want to. I felt like it was best for you to not find out.

I tried to pick up on a proper conversation, asking general questions like how many customers you had and whether it was a good or bad day. Sensing that something was wrong, you gave me short answers before asking me how I had been doing. I lied and said I was alright.

For the first time since the start of our relationship, I didn't know what to say. To try and get back on track I started to talk about the cats and what they had been up to, you could tell that I was only rambling to break the uncertainty that had came upon us.

You eventually cut me off mid-sentence, leaning forward slightly with slanted brown eyes - the same brown eyes that I had fallen in love with a few years before and the same brown eyes that I am still in love with today. You directly ask what's wrong and I didn't know how to respond.

It made me think back to the first time I set eyes on you, the taller one of a pair. You were wearing the typical jeans, best and belt outfit with a pint of something I couldn't decipher moving up towards your lips. I hung around you for a while, waiting for whoever was on your arm to leave so I could give my chances a shot. You declined my question of whether you want a drink and told me, quite bluntly, to get on my way. This should have put me off of you but it did the opposite. I was left wanting to know who was the Irishman who was refusing to cheat on his partner and who hadn't ever seen the face of Freddie Mercury.

It was at that moment where I started regretting the thing that I hadn't even done.

I knew that I couldn't be deterred because telling you the truth would only hurt you more. So I refused eye contact and quietly murmured, "I don't think we should be together anymore."

You don't say anything. The silence was the hardest part.

The silence made me think about every single minute I had spent with you, the long nights of cuddling on the sofa and the times when you would sit down and watch me work in the studio, not saying anything with a cigarette hanging from your mouth. My heart was falling as my mind ran through all of the time and memories we had spent together, the day when I woke up and knew that you were the only one I wanted to be with and then the thought of what could have happened if I did tell you the truth and what could have happened if none of this ever hit us.

I was sat waiting for you to say something, to argue back or protest, to do anything that would give me an excuse to backtrack and make up. But you didn't.

You sat back and finally drew your eyes away from mine, your face unreadable.

"I'm sorry." was all that I could say and I was sorry but you didn't know how deep my apology went. I was sorry for not being honest, for not telling you that something was wrong when you first started to notice my moods were off, for sneaking out to get blood tests in private and working out how long I could be with you before the effects took place. I was sorry for deceiving you and telling that I was okay when I wasn't. I was sorry for telling you that the marks on my face was just smudged eyeliner and wearing baggier clothing so you couldn't see how much weight I was losing at a rapid pace. I was sorry for not telling you I had AIDS.

"It's okay. I can understand" was your own reply.

You then got up and we hugged for the last time. I held onto you for longer than usual because I wasn't ready to let go. You then kissed me on the cheek for the last time and told me that you will stay around a friend's until suitable accommodation came up and I promised that I would send Phoebe round to drop of everything that belonged to you.

Since then I had thought about this conversation everyday, wishing that I had decided to be truthful. I thought about you throughout every doctor's appointment and when I was too ill to stand up properly. I thought about you when I was alone at night and when the press started gathering outside of my house.

One night I made a vow to try and reach out to you again but you never picked up the phone.

Which is why I am going to send you this. I will probably be gone by the time you read it and I expect that everyone will now know. I just didn't want you to live with thinking that you had done something wrong, nor did I want you to find everything out through a badly written tabloid.

This is how our relationship ended and I wish it never did.


End file.
